A Year Ago

For the Spring term of last year (2016), I studied abroad in Spain. This was a big thing for me - a great chance to travel to Europe as I had wanted to, to learn more about the world, and to improve my fluency in Spanish. It was an investment, and an incredible experience. It was something that helped me show myself that I could truly do whatever I wanted to do.

It was also a time that Andrew and I knew that we wanted to get married. We decided to be "unofficially engaged" throughout my trip in Spain and the 88 days we would be apart for my study abroad and the summer afterward. Andrew "unofficially" proposed to me in the place that we met with a string ring like the one from The Count of Monte Cristo (a movie we had watched together and loved), and I wore that string ring while traveling in Ireland and London and throughout my study abroad in Spain.

Exploring Blarney Castle in Ireland, and thinking of Andrew (:

Spain was amazing, but I sure did miss my Andrew. When I returned to the states, my family picked me up from the airport and I spent most of the summer with my family and volunteering at a hospital while Andrew was with his in Virginia, working building a website for a company, and at the Hill Cumorah Pageant. Andrew bought tickets for me to fly out to pageant (and I may or may not have known that he planned to propose during my visit there) on July 14, which was also our 9 month anniversary of dating, and suffice it to say, I was ready to see my best friend again.

Andrew surprised me with having flowers sent to me in Washington while we were apart (:

One of many, many Skype calls with Andrew while we were apart. There was no 7 hour time difference anymore at this point, and that was a plus! Featuring a picture drawn by Miss Molly.

July 14th came, and I flew from Washington state to Rochester, New York. Andrew said he would pick me up outside the airport, which was fine because we all know how fun it is to pay for parking, but while I was looking for him outside, he came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. It's a good thing he wasn't a stranger, because I turned around pretty fast and hugged him really tight. It felt right to be together again.

Andrew being put into costume for the Hill Cumorah Pageant.

It was really neat to be at Pageant and see a place that meant so much to Andrew and his family. It was their constant home away from home as they moved every few years as a military family. The next day, July 15, Andrew and I went up to the top of the hill in the morning to read the last chapter of the Book of Mormon together, Moroni 10, a tradition of Andrew's family. We walked up and around the top of the hill and a bunch of youth that were there, found a bench, and read the last chapter together. In the last verse, Andrew had circled letters that spelled out "Will you marry me". You'd think I would have expected it, but I really hadn't. He had me walk along a path and pick up some letters he had written as he walked to the bottom of the path to a cement area where his sisters had put rose petals (best sidekicks ever. Their side of this story is awesome, if you get the chance to ask them). And he proposed with his great-grandmother's ring, that we have since gotten a wedding band to accompany and that I still wear today.

Celebrating with the back-stage crew.

Sitting in class this week (:

And now we're here, and I am so grateful for all that time in between. Here are some of my favorite moments between the above two pictures, from July 15, 2016 to July 15, 2017.

Enjoying pageant with the boy I could officially call my fiance. If you can't tell from my eye in this picture, I was pretty happy (:

Exploring D.C. after driving home with the Jacobsons after pageant.

Andrew bought my plane tickets to pageant, and I bought him tickets to my hometown. This picture was taken after washing sheep for the fair (: Andrew really enjoyed Prosser, and the evil eye is only for taking the picture when we were tired. We were walking around outside when he said, "I like it here. It's kinda like a dream."

 Taking Engagement pictures <3

Flying back to D.C. for Bryan (Andrew's twin) and Emily's wedding! Don't be fooled, I love flying.

 Bryan and Emily's wedding. Fun fact - the heat index was 113 degrees this day!!

The Ft. Bridger Rendezvous with the Peters family :) Piled in the car to go to church.

 My bachelorette party (with Martinelli's)! Don't worry about Andrew, he went with roommates to Disneyland and a beach house without me ;)

 This guy.

Of these fabulous people who were part of our wedding day, 4 have since gotten married, 2 have gone on missions, one went on a study abroad for anatomy in Italy, two had a baby (our favorite nephew!), and one went to dance for Disneyworld. Not to mention the good food and fun game nights since this day <3

Andrew's surprise for my dad at our reception at Wadley Farms. 

We finished our Fall semester married, working 20 hours a week, moved into a beautiful apartment, 

and with all As. It's still a miracle to me.

 Together with the Jacobsons for Christmas and making playing games look gooooood.

Our official honeymoon to Virginia Beach. 

Playing in the snow with a little girl we mentor.

Happily letting rain and colored chalk ruin our clothes. 

 Camping in great places with great friends.

Brealynn and Zach's wedding. The third Jacobson to be wed within 9 months!

Becoming an aunt and uncle, and lovin' on the Brodster.

 Still finding adventures.

The Oakley Rodeo for the 4th of July.

People say "and I love them more every day", but it's a real thing. There have been good days and bad days, and we've miscommunicated and disagreed, like everyone does with their best friends and families. There have been a lot of hugs in exciting times and sad times, and a lot of I love yous and laughs and "it's okay"s. There have been a lot of big adventures, a lot of full days, and a lot of forgiveness before judgement. I'm extremely full of gratitude for all that we have shared since we've met, and since we've been engaged and then married. For some reason it feels a lot more real to me now that we're passing times in the year that were such important milestones to us at this time just a year ago. We don't just get to be married, we get to be married every year, forever. I love my Andrew and always will.

Taking "Being Photogenic" in the Right Light

Some people seem to always look perfect, be it celebrities and models or that girl you pass in the hallways that looks beautiful even in sweats. Then when people take a picture with you in it, sometimes it looks great, and sometimes, it just... doesn't. And a picture of you that you think looks awful can be disheartening.

If you, like me, have taken a least a couple selfies or pictures of people in your life, you have probably noticed this already, but the first time I noticed I thought it was really neat, and I think there are two things we can take from it.

Pictures look a heck of a lot better just with the right lighting. Pictures indoors just look worse than pictures outdoors or by windows with more natural lighting.

I think that's cool. It's a reminder to not take yourself too seriously. If you can't believe that picture of you could possibly look that awful, chances were it was honestly the lighting or the timing. Pictures can catch the in-between looks on your face that we wouldn't notice in normal life, so with both lighting and timing, some pictures of you in this life are just gonna look bad.

This is a reminder to me to also give yourself a break if you think your life looks kinda dismal and unexciting. Because if you took that mediocre-looking life and changed the lighting a little bit, I think you'd find it strikingly beautiful exactly as it was already. You could even play on the fact that "natural" lighting makes such a difference in pictures and wonder if this better perspective of your life is the more "natural" view of a more divine perspective anyway. (:

So don't fret too much about it. No one is perfectly photogenic, and some people take more pictures and are more picky about which ones go places. Maybe your nose does look big from that angle, but people probably don't notice in normal life and it doesn't change who you are. It's okay if you look bad. Sometimes you're gonna look dang good too.

This picture was taken on a normal day of school, after 2 hours of a chemistry lab where I was in goggles and a ponytail. I was going to add a comparison picture, but nah ;)

The Boring Days

I am currently taking summer classes, after taking Fall, Winter, and Spring classes, and before taking more Fall and Winter classes. You'd think it was a lot and awful, but I don't mind. I enjoy being in school and I'm glad that I can be investing my time in my future in a way that works well for my family.

My actual dilemma with summer classes is not what I thought it would be. I was worried I would be burned out, so I signed up for classes that I need to take but that aren't a huge workload. And... I'm bored.

There are a lot of times in life that we feel like we've sunk into the mundane and this is one of my times. My classes aren't captivating, and I have a good job but it's not stretching my intellect or my character very much either. I have found that sometimes "being an adult" and "being in the real/working world" takes a lot of patience, and I understand that. But boring days can still be hard. I've been reflecting on why that is, and what to do about them. This is what I've come up with:

Boring days are hard because you don't feel like we are working towards a greater purpose or becoming better people (even if, like me with my current classes, they are things you need to do to get to future goals). This also means you don't always feel like you have a lot to look forward to each day, and that can be sad.

The best thing to do about it, I have found, is to find adventure. Have at least something bigger you're looking forward to (even if it's just finishing something you are doing now you don't enjoy). And find little adventures in your hobbies and talents. Give yourself something to look forward to and that helps you to work towards a greater purpose and become a better person. Have a goal or a project. This can be anything from organizing a home to reading a book to taking pictures to traveling. Recently I've found each of those specific things to be helpful to me, along with others.

We all fight a boring day now and then. What do you do about it? Do you look for big change or little change? What hobbies or goals help bring purpose or excitement for you? I'd love any ideas.

My Adult Summer Goals

As a child (baha, I'm 19, but I'm still going to go with the phrase), summer didn't only mean no school. It also meant long lists of summer goals. Before I was able to drive or had sufficient money to pay for trips or eating out or even many new things, I had no problem writing line after line of things I wanted to do. Some I did religiously - like organizing my room, which became one of my late-night hobbies, and reading books I had lined up to read, like the Inheritance Series of Eragon books. Others, like making a quilt, I never did complete.

Last summer was spent partially in Europe and then flying across the country between being engaged and seeing Andrew and my families and the Hill Cumorah Pageant. The summer before that I spent volunteering in Peru. It's just this weekend that I realized that this is my first more normal summer, and I want to make another list of summer goals. I'm in summer classes (part of my adventure for this year that I am as grateful for as I was for foreign flights) and wanted to make my first "Adult" (baha again) Summer Goals list, apart from work and classes:

My Adult Summer Goals List 2017

1) Volunteer

2) Create something new

3) Read good books

4) Go on adventures

5) Expand my knowledge of cooking

6) Build on relationships with family and friends

Lest my dad think I'm not making SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Oriented), this is how I am interpreting and planning to put these larger and more poetic goals into my every day life:

1) Volunteer at Wasatch Mental Health (relevant to my career goals to become an Occupational Therapist. This is already in play!! I will attend an orientation meeting July 13th and begin volunteering. My goal is to put in at least 30 hours over the course of this summer and fall in a program focused on children with autism - my dream is to have a pediatric clinic of my own).

2) I'm not positive what I want to do here yet. I am registered for a ceramics class this Fall and am pretty psyched about that. I think this summer this might mean continuing to work on developing the talent I hope I will one day have of taking nice pictures :D I think taking pictures at family functions could help me with Goal #7 as well.

3) I have noticed that I really enjoy having a book I am reading on my own, amid school and work and all that jazz. My church ward has a book club that some really fun women started and I finally picked up this month's book. I'm hoping to try to keep up with the books being read each month.

4) We're blessed to be looking forward to a lot of adventures this summer - two family reunions, a rodeo, visiting family, a little getaway to Seattle, a ziplining tour for my 20th birthday (!!!!!), rafting with Grandpa. I get a lot of joy out of planning and anticipating and having adventures, and after some incredible foreign trips, it is really good for me to see how my adventurous spirit can be extremely happy without airplane flights and bringing back foreign gifts for family (both of which give me quite a kick). I'm hoping to look for more adventure during 'normal' days too, in the little wonderful things - see Goal #5.

5) Andrew and I are both respecters of good food, and not too picky. Neither of us are skilled chefs, and I'm grateful that I'm in a marriage where 1 - my husband doesn't expect me to do all the cooking but sees it as a team effort, 2 - my husband doesn't scold me for my limited knowledge of elaborate recipes but works with me to find meals we are happy with and always thanks me when I have made dinner and tells me it tastes great. I want to try new recipes but not bite off more than I can chew ;) My goal is to pick a new recipe and add all the ingredients to the grocery list so every time we go grocery shopping we get stuff for a new recipe. I'm pretty motivated to make new things with a recipe if we have all the ingredients on a Sunday afternoon.

6) I love my family and friends. I want them to know this, especially because on most days we don't see so many of the people we love. I want to regularly reach out to a family member and a friend, via text or phone call. I'm not sure what regularly means to me yet, but I'm going to start with once a day and adjust if that isn't working down the road.

Goals help me to be happy in a lot of ways. I get to look forward to doing or accomplishing something, which in itself brings happiness. Goals prove to me that I am doing what I want to do. In just creating this list, I realized how many things I am already doing and working toward (the planned adventures, figuring out volunteering, registering for the ceramics class) are helping me to enjoy now, improve relationships, and prepare for the future, and that was really neat for me to see. Goals show me that I can improve and can use something that might bring guilt or I might see as a weakness (like cooking as a pretty non-personal example). Goals give me motivation, and someone to be accountable to, if only to myself.

I'm excited about my summer goals, and I'll be sure to report at the end of the summer before Fall semester begins!

Passing on Advice From... Mom and Dad. A Tribute to Family.

It has really been impressed upon me lately how important family is to life. It has become a clear truth to me in my life that family (immediate family, extended family, joining a new family, and creating a small new family of my own with Andrew) brings the greatest personal refinements and the most happiness to me in my life.

(This is my extended family - just the ones who could make it to a random wedding in November.)

If I didn't have family, I would be able to do a lot more of what I want to do. I could improve on some talents or develop new ones more than I do now. But I don't think indulging in those things selfishly could possibly make me as happy as I am spending time with people I love and sharing what I do learn and the successes I have when I have them. With family, I have learned that I am not entitled to everything, that people are the most important thing, what service really means, how I can be a teacher, student and friend all at once, and what is really important in life. What really lasts.

With that, I want to share some things I have learned from my parents.

Dad has taught me that I am more important than a problem. I have backed into his car, flooded the basement, and found myself in a mess of broken metal or irrigation water more than once. Any time I had made a clear mistake that had very real consequences, going to dad usually didn't mean you were in for a lecture. Dad listened to the situation and accepted it, came and helped whenever I needed help even if he was pretty upset and it was really inconvenient for him (he can still fix most anything...) and calmly gave me the tools and support to fix what I had done, knowing it was good for me to acknowledge and accept the consequences and work to fix the situation. He taught me forgiveness.

Mom taught me that loving people is always the right answer, and you should give when you can. She supported me with time and gas money like crazy. When I has an event to attend in Seattle the same day as a competition 3 hours away at home in Prosser and I realized my mistake in planning... she drove to Seattle and back so I could do both. She got me out of class in high school so I could do homework for another class. No matter how late it was or what I was unreasonably upset about (often accentuated by the fact I was tired), she would listen to me and talk to me until I felt better. I once called her on Easter Sunday at 1 in the morning with a new situation that worried me not even knowing if she would be awake and not remembering it was Easter, and she was there for me then too. She once helped Alana with a hard day of school, picking her up and taking her out... only for Alana to realize later that that day was my mom's birthday. Her first instinct is to give, and she has made having faith in a God who is always there for me make sense, because I had a parent who was always there for me already. She is an incredible voice of love and reason for our family, for her family, and for her friends. She taught me dependability and love.

Dad taught me that sometimes you just have to work, and that the service that is inconvenient and not glorious is the most real service. From cold fingers fixing fence on a clear winter night to getting up Saturday morning for a family project to telling us we were going to help a family move and staying until it was too dark to continue, he taught this by word and example. I found that you can find real joy in the work, and that rest is much more fulfilling afterward. He taught me the real value of work and the real meaning of service.

Mom taught me the joys of raising children and having a family. Even when I saw how tired or frustrated she was at times, she loved her family. She taught me you don't always have to make extravagant dinners or a spotless house to be a good Mom, and I saw through hearing others talk about my mom how often people really do see past those things and what a blessing your time and love can be to the lives of others. She taught me charity.

They taught me the simple joy of playing with kids and eating good snacks, but that it's also okay to not have to be a jungle gym all the time (: That you can solve a problem with a laugh.They taught me the value of good conversations. How wonderful it is to be outside and how much joy you can find in simple things. The importance of being a good Christian before I was a good Mormon. They taught me I don't need much to be happy. They taught me the importance of being kind.

They showed me that even as an imperfect person, you can teach principles and give love in a way that comes across perfectly. They taught me that it is never an option to give up on family, and that it's always an option to let something go. That it's good to have fun and that time together is valuable.

I am so grateful for an proud of my imperfect family and am so grateful that they love and are proud of me. It is such a wonderful growing experience to be expanding my family as I joined Andrew's, adding new personalities, opinions, and traditions and realizing that there is always room for more love and that different ideas are okay way more often than not. I learned how amazing it is that someone can love you before they even know you.

I have learned with my family now with Andrew the value of trusting a person's love for you as you are honest about different ideas or situations that you are unhappy with. I have felt the joy of learning together and developing the habits we want individually and as a couple. I have enjoyed recognizing our differences and approaching them with a laugh, and finding a plan when we need a way to bring them together.

I have felt the joy of giving and of receiving, and how important it is to do both. I have remembered once again that if I had to give everything I wanted and loved up one at a time, all my dreams and plans and hopes for the future, the one thing I couldn't give up is family. And I feel so blessed that through long days and little misunderstandings and time apart, all of my families love me, and I am able to have them AND the hopes and dreams I have for my schooling, career, and talents for myself and for my family. I am so spoiled to get to work toward those things in such a blessed and wonderful time of life right now, that is exciting because of where we are going, but also exciting because of where we are right now.

If my writing this on the Monday of a week with three tests and only a few weeks from finals doesn't show how true it is to me, I don't know what will. Family, or those kinds of relationships and friendships, are always worth it.

Falling in the Snow

The other day after several hours of classes and studying, I walked out the building door and started walking down a hill out of habit before realizing the hill was covered in slushy snow. I realized, too late, that things were going downhill too quickly (; I looked up to see how many people were walking nearby on the sidewalks and could see me as I fell on my pants into the snow. One girl made eye contact with me and I smiled so she smiled too. I got up and made my way the rest of the way slowly down the hill.

The interesting thing, is that on my way down that hill before I slipped, I was thinking about the long day and what I had on my to-do list, and it wasn't making me happy. So how come when I slipped, something unfortunate that was kind of a mistake and kind of out of my control, I suddenly chose to have a good attitude?

I thought about when Andrew would walk me home after weekend night shifts as a custodian on at midnight. When it was raining, he would bring an umbrella like the sweetheart he is, but while he walked under the umbrella I usually held his hand and walked just far enough out that I could feel the rain. I knew everything would be okay, and I liked to enjoy the rain and make it fun if it was going to be there anyway.

I didn't know falling in the snow could be such a good learning experience, but I realized that my attitude was much better when I saw the rain or the fall in the snow as they were, let it be okay and had a good attitude about it, letting myself laugh at the imperfect circumstance or situation. I realized that I should treat my long days and to do lists the same way, instead of being frustrated that my day is figuratively a little more rainy than I wanted it to be.

So hey, laugh at falling in the snow, but maybe take a minute to let your long days be okay and laugh at them too. I think I'll try better to do that myself.

Why We Spent No Money On...

When I was married on November 19, 2016, it was a magical day. Our families had come, the most beautiful place was rented for the reception, we were so excited about the food, we had nice ties and socks for the groomsmen and necklaces and beautiful blue dresses for the bridesmaids. We had great photographers who did a fantastic job. In all the festivities though, there was something, or someone, that we didn't spend a penny on.

That was me. If you want to argue it you could probably win, because we did buy the flowers and my wedding band, but that's pretty much it.

I also know this isn't some crazy thing and there are probably many women who fall in this situation for their weddings. I also definitely want to say that I don't think it's bad in any way to spend money on makeup or hair or a beautiful dress you love, because I really can't argue that it's not worth it and the bride is and does deserve to be beautiful and feel like a princess. I wanted to mention a couple reasons that not spending any money on the bride for my wedding was special for me though.

First, it was because I'm blessed. I went dress shopping and didn't find one I loved enough for it to be worth it's price. My wonderful sister was okay with me using her wedding dress, and I loved it. It was form fitting and lace and long sleeved just like Andrew and I liked. Because she's my sister and we are built similarly I didn't need it modified in a single way either. And the fact that there was a button or two missing on the back just made me smile because it reminded me how much I love my family and my sister and was grateful for her generosity.

I was blessed to be the heir of Andrew's great grandmother's wedding ring. It's not a real ruby, because his great grandfather couldn't afford one, and we can't really either right now (: It's vintage, and unique, and it was expected that if we used it it would be for an engagement ring and we would upgrade it and pick our own wedding ring, but we didn't really want to. Now my ring, like me, is unique, both interesting and absolutely beautiful, and part of something bigger than just me.

I was also offered a tiara from one aunt on my mother's side to another aunt to me. I loved its sparkle and kindness, so it became part of my day too, maybe in an unconventional way.

As for shoes and jewelry, it was what I already had from high school prom and shoes a friend once bought me. This was a second reason I enjoyed not spending money on me. I felt like me as I was was perfect already, and I enjoyed keeping to my simple me-ness.

The third main reason is the sense of independence that is both a strength and weakness of mine. I did my hair and makeup, and made my bouquets and Andrew's boutonniere the day of our actual wedding, and I'm proud of those things. The bouquet for our reception in Prosser had the little daisies I love and turned out so beautiful.

My independent, stubborn self enjoyed doing these things for myself, and I felt like I was helping other people in a way by trying to keeping the focus on me simple and easy. It was cost-efficient for us, and looking back, there would be less pictures of imperfect hair or imbalanced flower bouquets had someone else done those things for me. But there was something special in being me and letting that be wonderful. The me that didn't mind when the bustle of the dress broke and I either drug it or hiked it up in my hand.

The me that was pretty bad about carrying her bouquet with her and honestly got the bottom of her dress pretty dirty. The me that really does want to try to do all that she can for herself for both her and the family and friends around her's sake so she is taken care of and can help take care of others.

Also don't worry, I wasn't too selfish in getting ready myself. You can't see it, by Molly painted my toenails (:

I'm definitely not perfect at it and still pretty dependent on others for things like... directions... but hey, I'm trying. I think because of all those things, I don't mind some imperfect hair pictures or funny backwards tiaras or imperfectly balanced bouquets, because it felt perfect to me, and that's what mattered most.