And Charlie Makes Three

Charlotte Jo Jacobson was born on May 2, 2018 at 4:15pm. 6 lbs 13 oz, 18.5 inches long. She was due May 11th, and we really didn't expect her to come a little early and hadn't even packed a hospital bag yet! It's been less than a week since she joined our family, but my life has been forever changed. I wanted to share a few highlights from our experience becoming new parents, and also share a few things that have stood out to me over these last few days.

Highlights of our Birth Story
- We had planned to figure out where in the hospital to go that weekend, and we only took one wrong hallway and elevator before figuring it out :D It was nice to not be having painful contractions at the time - I needed a towel more than a wheelchair! I got checked in and changed into a hospital gown before a nurse came in to check to see if my water had really broken (a rupture evaluation - I thought it sounded quite fun), and she walked past wet footprints to come to my bedside. I really never expected my water to break on its own. It was a fun adventure.
- We got the IV in on the 6th try! It's a good thing I'm not terrified of needles.
- Epidurals are heaven sent. I couldn't move my legs for the life of me by the time Charlie came, but man am I grateful for modern medicine.
- Pushing was a really interesting experience. I don't know if you can ever really know what to expect until it happens. It was the most exhausting thing I have ever done, even though there was no pain. Man am I glad there was no pain, because I was giving all I had already.
- Everything went so smoothly, we were so blessed. My water broke around 4:30 in the morning, we were checked into the hospital at 4:55, and I wasn't progressing on my own after my water broke, so they started me on ptocin at 6:30. That did the trick. They came in every so often to see how I was progressing, and I was progressing nearly twice as fast as they were expecting. Labor lasted for 8.5 hours before pushing, and I only had to push for an hour and 4 minutes, which they said is really good for a first time.
- The only minor complication during labor was that during contractions, Charlie's heart rate would drop pretty low. Low enough that nurses came in and tried to see what they could do to keep it higher. Laying on my right side did the trick, and the soreness of laying on one side for so long was worth getting to see her heart rate stay healthily high. They thought the cord might be wrapped around Charlie's neck causing the drops in heart rate, but it turned out that wasn't the case, and the umbilical cord was just really small.
- The placenta usually comes out pretty easily after birth and in one piece, but mine came out in fragments. This increases the risk for hemorrhaging later, so the doctor had to manually scrape out the placenta to be sure it all came out. This wasn't exhausting like pushing, and I knew it wouldn't last forever, but it was probably the most painful thing I've ever experienced. The doctor was really kind and encouraging during this process. Both she and the nurses were awesome to have around. Kind and encouraging words can go a long way when you're exhausted and/or in a good amount of pain.

Charlie
Pregnancy is a process, so adding our daughter to our family was a long time in coming. Still, it didn't seem real until she was there - moving, crying, a real whole human being.

She is her own person, and I'm sure excited to keep getting to know her. She is attentive when she is awake, and generally very easy going and calm. She will already sleep for up to 5 or 6 hours at a time, though this is usually during the day and she'll wake up more often at night :D She loves sucking on her hands and has already found her thumb to be an entertaining snack on more than one occasion. She gets the hiccups about once a day, and it's really adorable. Diaper changes are quite traumatic (we think the cold really bothers her) but as soon as a new diaper is strapped on she's okay again.

Becoming Parents
I expected a huge rush of unconditional love the first time I saw Charlie. I certainly loved her, but at the actual moment of birth, the most significant things I felt were relief (I was exhausted) and concern that she be okay. The unconditional love came pretty quickly though, especially as we have taken care of her. The connection between serving someone and loving them is applicable in many situations, but it is probably the most obvious and significant in parenthood.

Andrew told a friend that came to visit yesterday that it's interesting how his priorities have changed. While before, he might go to sleep thinking about work or what we will do the next day, now he thinks about Charlie. She and our family are the most important, and priorities just shifted. It was special for me to hear my husband say that - he's a wonderful dad, which we'll get to in a second - but I also totally agree with the sentiment. I do have other things I am working toward and doing in life, but Charlie's the best and most important part. Even if I had to get up twice as often at night, I don't think I could say it's terrible. It's wonderful. I love this little munchkin.

I'm already seeing how being a mom is going to be wonderfully imperfect. I'm a picture person - there's nothing like a perfect snapshot that shows the beauty of a person or family, or that catches a sweet moment. Little missy here was really hungry for the first half of taking these pictures, and I didn't know how good our chances were of getting sweet snapshots of us and our little one. Needless to say I'm really happy with the pictures, but I also realized that even when things aren't "perfect" the way you wanted them to be - especially little things like my hair in pictures - they can still be perfect in a different way. There are a lot of perfect moments that are never caught on camera too, and they aren't any less important. Like Andrew singing "My Girl" in the delivery room when no doctors or nurses were around and labor was progressing. Or anytime Charlie falls asleep across my lap when she is full and I can't bring myself to move her. Or when Andrew took Charlie after she had eaten and was going to lay her down to sleep, but I found him a few minutes later propped up in our bed holding her. I climbed up next to them and got to enjoy the comfort of a comfy bed and a happy little family, before taking a wonderful nap that felt 4 years long.

Even now, sitting here typing this on my bed, half-ready for the day, listening to Charlie breathe as she sleeps next to our bed... I can't help but feel like even if I don't remember this exact moment, that these moments and these feelings are what a life is made of.

Andrew
I can't begin to express how important Andrew has been in all of this. The importance of husbands and dads in a family can get looked over a lot these days. I know that not all situations are perfect and there isn't always a dad in the picture, and sometimes that can even be the better situation for the child. But I think that anything you can do to create a family with a father and mother who love and are committed to each other and their kids is so worth it. Abstinence before marriage is worth it. Getting married is worth it. Choosing to let little things go, or laugh about different opinions and move on, is worth it. I love Andrew with all my heart. We knew a lot about each other, were really good friends, and loved being together before we were married, but marriage took a little faith. Having a baby took a little (I would argue a lot, haha) of faith too. That faith, little efforts, and a bigger perspective now and then, have gone a long way. People say the first year of marriage is the hardest. They say having a baby is so hard, and takes so much time and energy. I don't know if I can really disagree with these statements, but I haven't felt that way (maybe in the case of having a baby I should give it a few weeks and see if I don't feel exhausted then, haha. Hopefully this thought is still valid though). A family takes effort and love, but I've found that when you put in effort and truly love your family, most things work out.

Returning to the importance of Andrew in all this, he has been a huge source of strength for me. He is the other half of our marriage, and I don't know how I could do any of this without him. Pushing during labor when you're exhausted or being in pain while the placenta is being scraped out of you is a lot easier when someone is right there next to you who loves you. It's actually a big deal, and a game changer. Taking care of a newborn baby is a lot easier when someone is there ready and willing to help with all diaper changes, and does little and big things to love, serve, and take care of you while you're adjusting to nursing and you're both learning how to best take care of a baby.

Don't forget the importance of fathers. I thought I loved Andrew before - and I did - but there is something truly incredible and divine about fatherhood. Seeing how much my husband loves our daughter as he looks at, holds, and takes care of her means the world to me.

And not only has our love for this little one grown immensely, but our love for each other has grown too. (I think these next pictures are great examples of perfectly imperfect moments (:)

We have a whole lot to learn and do moving forward (more even than the thousands of diaper changes to come), and I'm so excited. We have Charlie, and we have each other. We're physically and financially secure, and we're surrounded by people who love us. I can't think of a single thing we lack. I can't wait to see what becomes of our beautiful Charlotte, and what becomes of our little family.

The Solution to the To-Do List Conundrum

I have had some very busy times of my life, and being 30 weeks pregnant with our first baby, I am sure I will have many more very busy times of my life in the future. When you are trying hard to do good things and be a good person, your to-do list can become quite full, and it can be hard to know if you are doing things right or doing enough.

On the other hand, you don't have to have an extensive to-do list to wonder if you are doing the right things with your time. At times of my life when I didn't have work or school or both (even during holidays or when I have made a decision not to work and knew that was the right decision to make and was still doing many other good things), you can feel like your to-do list isn't impressive enough, or that even amid not doing many things you still can't do the things you still have to do well enough or in the time you have.

I have found that the solution to both of these situations is the same. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a one-size-fits-all manual to time management and life management? One process that, if known and followed, would give you complete confidence in the decisions you are making and the direction you are going, help you feel good about every day, and make the dreaded to-do list (whether long or short or full of suggestions or tasks that absolutely need to be done) no longer a dreaded thing? Turns out the solution is just that. A simple principle, a simple process, a one-size-fits-all answer.

The solution is to give God your time.

Giving your time to God might not make any sense, especially to people who don't feel especially religious. It also might not seem to make sense and like it might not really be the right way to prioritize and get things done. Give me a chance to explain though. It does sometimes sound like it shouldn't work. But it does. It works for me. I really believe this.

So I should explain some things and make some clarifications. Giving God your time does not mean not planning. It also doesn't mean always serving and praying and doing things that sound like the "holy life". It means doing all you can to plan, prepare, and work hard, and then while doing those things and in the midst of unseen changes of plans and opportunities, trusting God and trying to listen to what He would have you do.

I am a planner, let me tell you. I planned out my entire high school schedule my first quarter as a freshman. I planned out my entire college schedule my first semester as a freshman in college too. It doesn't mean I didn't make any changes to those original plans I made, but I could see how it was all going to work out and how I could do everything that I wanted to do. It meant that when unseen changes showed up (like classes being offered at different times or by different teachers than I expected, or when considering opportunities like serving in student government in high school and going on a study abroad in college, I had a plan to look at and saw how I could make my plan work with the changes that came.

Giving God your time means having patience with these changes that come and faithfully considering opportunities that present themselves. I have a to-do list of the things I would like to get done each day over the weekend so I am as prepared as I would like to be for the coming week of classes. But weekends also mean opportunities to see friends and family, chances to go on dates and spend time with my husband, some extra time for me to indulge in reading or writing or whatever things are important for my own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self-care, and time to run errands like grocery shopping. When I don't stick to my ideal, original plan and reach the end of the day and have left something undone, guilt and frustration naturally sneak up on me. I didn't use my time right, I think. I didn't do good enough. I'm grateful for what I did today, but if I just tried harder I could really get everything done. Some things you really do have to get done - like assignments due the next day or doing laundry so you have jeans for tomorrow - but a lot of changes to plans are okay. This is where faith and listening to the Spirit can really help you have peace of mind. "Did I do everything I absolutely needed to do today?" is often a much easier question to answer than "Did I do enough today?" What does enough mean? It's different for all of us. I think a good definition would be something like this: "enough" is when you have used your time purposefully for things that are priorities for you. There's no specific cut off of amount of time spent with family or friends or number of assignments you are ahead on for next week. "Enough" is doing well. Well doesn't mean perfect, because it doesn't exist. It really just means well.

Once you have done everything you absolutely needed to do, finding your "enough" - or finding your "happy" - for the day is done by looking to God. By having an open mind and heart and choosing to spend time on things when you feel (this is what we call the Spirit) like it is something you should do. Do you really want your life to be full of a calendar where every day has a to-do list where everything is perfectly checked off? No! You want a calendar full of joy, and joy means filling your duties and responsibilities and listening to God the whole time. An opportunity to teach, learn, love, or experience doesn't always wait until you are done with "everything you absolutely have to do today" in filling your duties and responsibilities. Giving God your time means choosing to do the best thing anyway. It means making the best priorities your real priorities. Sometimes that can mean not doing as well on some things you "absolutely have to do today". When it does come down to that, knowing that you gave God your time makes imperfect scores on homework assignments and wearing dirty jeans an extra day worth it.

Working on giving God my time means being willing to set down my to-do list, or change what is on it and when I expect it to occur. It doesn't change the things I would like to have done or be able to magically do all in one day. It changes my attitude. It has helped me reach the end of a day, look at my unfinished to-do list and think of all the things I am glad I did that day. It has helped me remember that taking time for my family and taking time for me are things that are truly important and bring me more happiness than being totally done with homework that isn't due tomorrow. It's faith and following the Spirit, and it brings peace.

When you are striving to follow the Spirit and give God your time, you never have to feel guilty. You can always have complete confidence in doing your best to follow the Spirit. It means you were trying to give time to your truly highest priorities. It means that even if you can't remember what productive things you did yesterday, that you did the things that were most needed and productive for you.

Sometimes giving God your time means working even harder in school and work. This past semester I took 17 credits, worked as a TA of Organic Chemistry, volunteered in Anatomy Academy and with Wasatch Mental Health in the Giant Steps program for preschool-age children with autism. And I threw up 23 times because for the first time in my life, I was starting to grow a baby. I still don't know how I did it. I know I couldn't have done it without Andrew because he nearly always made dinner (which was challenging while I struggled to find foods that sounded good to eat) and did all but maybe an hour total of our dishes and laundry that semester. I didn't know how I was going to do it before it started, honestly. I couldn't tell you how I was going to have enough time because I had no idea. But I really thought about all of the opportunities I had - the classes I wanted to take, the volunteer positions I wanted to take, the job I wanted to have, and the family I wanted to grow, and I felt like they were all things that I should do and that would be good for me to do for myself, for my family, and for the future. I did well in my job and the volunteer positions that I had. The baby is continuing to grow healthy and strong, and my body is healthy and happy too. I got all A's in my 17 credits of classes. But those things didn't all have to turn out that way for me to know that I was making decisions that were good for me and they were good for me by God's standards - and that was enough.

Giving God your time can mean doing more than you would think to choose for yourself, and it can also mean doing less. I struggled with the choice of whether or not I should work this semester, and I felt like it was the best decision for me and my family not to work. I thought and prayed about it, and in listening to the Spirit and really striving to have faith, I felt like I shouldn't work. This doesn't mean I didn't want to work, but I knew it meant I wouldn't work because I want to give God my time, even when it can seem logically like it would be better for my future career and finances to work as much as possible. This has meant I have had more days this semester to read for myself and take long baths and watch shows with my hubby, more time to make dinner and help with laundry (I'm still not the greatest at dishes) and our home. It means I have had more time to plan fun things with family and friends, to play games with my hubby, and help babysit or make a fun dessert for Andrew and I. Giving God my time this semester means doing more of these things than I could have had I chosen to work. It also means trying to be more understanding and open-minded when I get to the end of a day that was full of school responsibilities and I miss working and volunteering and think it all worked out last semester, so why couldn't it work out now? It means having patience in those moments and thinking of all the good things that have come and that I have been able to do, and know that I am trying to give God (and my family) my time, and both God and my family want me to be happy, so I am on a good path and will get plenty of chances to do the fun things I sometimes miss (or even better things) in the future.

Giving God your time means doing the best you can with the time you have and having confidence in that. It means developing your talents, choosing things that make you happy, and continuing to learn. But it means that all those good things (including education, career, family, etc.) can and should stay viewed as good things instead of chosen prison sentences in the form of a dreaded to-do list that makes you feel bad about yourself. I usually take a list of some personal goals with me when I have additional time (like on Christmas vacation or summer break between semesters). I like to read and write in this blog and in my journal, and those things make me feel good and productive. But sometimes giving your time to God means letting go of good goals when they're not necessary goals. I decided to leave my reading and writing goals behind during Christmas break and prioritize a more important goal to me - being with family while I was around them. Do I regret playing so many games or taking pictures of some fun events? Absolutely not. I was trying to give God my time, and I ended up happier than I would have been if I had been internally conflicted about if I should play the game or read my own book. Look at some of the fun moments we got to have!

I didn't write a blog post about Christmas vacation like I originally planned to do (we found out we are having a girl, had a wonderful time and played a lot of games and enjoyed Christmas with my family in Washington, had a wonderful Jacobson family reunion in Vegas, and enjoyed beautiful, snowy Camp Zarahemla with more games with my family back in Washington over New Years). But I don't think I have to feel guilty looking back and knowing that I failed at my original plan to write that blog post, because I was trying to do good things, I was trying to give God my time, and so I did things that I cared about more. They were higher priorities for me, and so they were more worth my time, and I can consider even those moments of self-care and rest as giving God my time in those situations. Even if sometimes those priorities are taking a bath or reading or snuggling with my husband. God wants us to do the best things we can with our time, and the best things aren't always the things that we originally feel like we should do. We should be open to new possibilities, and to things that might truly be more worth it and make us more happy, even when those possibilities don't seem as sexy at first.

I still wonder sometimes how I am going to finish my goal of a Master's degree in Occupational Therapy with children. How I'm going to have time to do the things I feel like I am meant to do in my life and also be the mother I want to be for my children. But if I look a little deeper, I already know how I'm going to do it, even though I don't know the specifics yet or just how hard it will or won't be. I'm going to give God my time. It's a comforting principle in looking at the past, in experiencing the now, and in looking to the future with the plans we can make and the work we can do and all the things we still don't know or can't anticipate.

Giving God your time means being purposeful with your time but also accepting what comes.
God can magnify your time to help you do more than you ever thought you could, and it is also good to simplify your life and live in the moment. You can have your time magnified when necessary and live a purposeful life with the things that are truly most important to you (whatever number or character of things that means for you) by giving God your time.

So write that to-do list and make a plan. Then, as you strive to work diligently and do your best, stay close to God and remember the confidence, comfort, and blessings that come from giving Him your time. I suspect I will be imperfectly working on it my entire life, but every effort I have put into it so far has been so worth it. I can't wait to see what God can make out of my time.

Jacobson Family Christmas Letter

We're adding to our growing family traditions by writing somewhat of a first family Christmas Letter! Our hope is that this letter can further connect us to those we love as we share a little bit about us and our past year (: Here are the highlights:

Hanna

20 years old

Neuroscience undergrad at BYU
TA for BYU Chemistry Department in General and Organic Chemistry

Andrew

22 years old

Computer Science undergrad at BYU
Part-time Software Engineer for Select Bankcard

Baby Charlotte

Worked hard to grow for 5 months already!

Has parents who really love each other and are really excited!
Is beginning to be quite the wiggly little thing, which makes her momma happy (:

Due May 11 (:

Stats:
Total college credits taken this year: 77.5
Months pregnant: 5
Months until Andrew's graduation: 4
Months until Hanna's graduation: 12

Highlights at School:
Hanna made the Dean's List and enjoyed classes including Neuroanatomy, Anatomy, and Ceramics
Andrew made the Dean's List and enjoyed classes including Computer Security
We took Social Dance together in the Winter and Technical Communications together in the Fall (:

Adventuring:
Official honeymoon to Virginia Beach in January
Peters Family Reunion in Utah this summer
Oakley Rodeo for July 4th
Lagoon!
Zipline Utah for Hanna's birthday
Drove through the night to Washington in August
Explored Seattle and the Eagle Creek trail in Oregon
Saw the total eclipse in Oregon!
Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert
Jacobson Family Reunion in Vegas in December

Pass-times and Hobbies:
Playing the PS4 and board games!
Going on walks or hikes together
Hanna enjoys taking pictures, reading books, and writing things like blog posts and journal entries (:
Andrew enjoys tinkering on his computer

Changes:
Became and aunt and uncle in May!
Finished mentoring a 7 year old girl together
Had a sister and best friend both leave on LDS missions, a brother came home
Got credit cards
Became pregnant!
Celebrated our one year anniversary in November (:

What lies ahead in 2018:
Becoming parents!
Moving to accommodate our new addition in or before April
Taking the GRE together this summer (:
Graduation for Andrew in April and Hanna in December
Occupational Therapy graduate school applications for Hanna due this fall (:
The beginning of a full-time job for Andrew in May!

These are little highlights of big things for us this past year and looking forward to the future. We love where we are in life and are grateful to be able to share these moments together. A lot of big changes lay ahead for us this coming year and we are excited to continue to learn and grow both as individuals and as a family (: