A Story of Us - A Day of Growth

I had a growth day yesterday. I am trying to get Charlie on somewhat of a schedule in hopes that it will help her to eat more during the day and sleep more at night. Parts of implementing a schedule have gone great - Charlie has being going to sleep hours earlier than we used to put her to bed, and it has helped us to have more time to get things done and wind down at night so we don't go to bed at midnight. Other parts of implementing the schedule haven't gone so great, and it has been a lesson for me in humility and patience. I logically know it's okay if she cries when I lay her down to sleep, and that the schedule doesn't have to be right on the dot, and that adjustment takes time, and that the best schedule is the one that works best for both Charlie and me... but all the planning and measuring and recording (of eating and sleeping...) left me exhausted by the time Andrew got home. When he asked how my day had gone, I knew it had gone alright and that everything was going to be fine, but it came out, "It was okay..." with tears filling my eyes.

So we went out for a treat and to spend some time at the park. No technology, no apartment, just us and Miss Charlotte. We got back home with just a little time before starting our new little bedtime routine. Charlie went to sleep, and Andrew got to work on an online class while I wrote in my journal. Charlie interrupted Andrew's studies to eat and interrupted my writing to eat a little more and smile up at me expectantly because she was ready to play even though she was supposed to go back to sleep. I couldn't help but laugh.

The day ended sweetly. With my little girl smiling, I knew that even when my efforts to be the mom she needs weren't perfect, they could be perfect enough for her. There's something wonderfully merciful in that.

It was interesting to me to have this growth with Charlie juxtaposed with our current situation in life of educational and career growth. Andrew has graduated and is working full-time at a job he really enjoys while taking classes online for a Master's degree. I'll finish my degree in December and will hear back a little after that from graduate schools where I hope to pursue a Master's degree in occupational therapy. Amid all this, Andrew and I walked recently for graduation. It was almost funny to me how that huge effort - an undergraduate degree, or a degree of any kind - culminated in a simple walk and some nice pictures. It was a wonderful day with family, but the day of graduation itself wasn't a day of growth - it was more a celebration of the growth that had already happened and the potential growth to come in the future. I feel like my greatest individual growth in my degree has come from the individual classes, the individual days that stretch you. That means big, hard exams, but also the days you choose to work out or read your scriptures when it doesn't come very naturally to you or the times you don't do as well as you hoped on an assignment so you change your approach or when you have patience with a crying baby because nap time is hard today.

There's something so purely wonderful in it. In feeling yourself grow. It's almost like an adventure, even when it can also make you want to cry because it's hard or exhausting, or improvement just takes so long. I recently looked back and realized that my little efforts here and there to establish good habits and patterns that I wanted for me and my family has helped us to read scriptures as a couple daily and find fun adventures for ourselves and with friends to help make life fun and exciting. Reminders on my phone have helped me just this week to remember to read my personal scriptures and pray in the mornings, and to have a "no technology time" with Andrew when he comes home from work so we spend valuable time together as a family. And after nearly two years of marriage, we finally have regular family home evenings on Mondays with our family! That means I'm doing better now than I was before, because I wanted to and I decided to and I tried to. And that means a lot.

And so we continue to learn and grow - with Charlie, with our educations, with our careers, with our families. Misunderstandings, little and big changes, and surprises arise, but we get to grow through those too.

The end of my long first day of trying a schedule ended with holding my sweet girl close to me in her dark room while the crickets chirped outside. I felt so grateful to have my sweet girl so small and so pure, held tight against me for a moment. It’s good to be right here in life. I hope to always enjoy it and remember the wonderful and the good, even and especially on the long and tiring days. It was a wonderful day. A wonderful day of growth. Chances are tomorrow will be one too.