Being a Mom

Becoming a mom has changed my life forever. It has only been a few weeks, but I have already learned so much. It has been both everything I had hoped for and nothing like I expected :D I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the things I have noticed and am learning while I am in the middle of this transition and still have such a personal, immediate and inside perspective. This is a unique time that I think I'd like to remember.

The title of my blog as a whole is "Learning to Love". One of my greatest goals in life is to cultivate charity and real love and understanding of others as best I can. Though I am determined in my personal aspirations (including a career in addition to being a mom), I know that relationships with people are really what make the biggest impact in life and matter most. Parenting is the epitome of learning to love and serve others. It's pretty special to be getting started on something that is not only one of the biggest journeys of my life but also the goal (raising a happy family) that will likely bring me the greatest happiness I experience on this earth.

It is still taking time to get used to this new life. I think it's kind of beautiful how babies start out with very basic needs and grow to need more guidance and direction over time - it's a nice set up for a parent. I don't have to have the majority of answers yet, and I can learn and decide how I want to do things gradually.

In this gradual learning, the past few weeks have already taught me a lot. Specifically, being a mom has changed my life in many ways that I did-but-didn't-completely expect. Those changes included the following:

1. My body is different. Waistbands are funny now because of how they fit with my soft post-pregnancy loose skin. I have only held onto a handful of additional pounds since pre-pregnancy (and I don't know how and apologize to those whose experiences in regards to pregnancy weight have been so different than that. I have taken Anatomy and Physiology courses in college, and yet how bodies can react so differently to similar stimuli is still a mystery to me), but even at a similar weight, my body is just different. I'm okay with it, and Andrew has been so genuine in loving on me which really helps me be okay with it. I can honestly say I feel beautiful, but I also feel different. I expected the loose skin and stretch marks, but something I didn't totally expect is that a lot of my favorite clothes don't fit my chest now while nursing. While adjusting to a growing belly was fun, and I liked my round belly to show and for people to notice, having a larger chest has been more awkward to get used to. My feet are still slightly bigger than they were before as well, but getting new shoes could be fun. And hey - my wedding ring fits again, and that really makes me happy (:



2. Bringing a child into the world is a lot of work. Pushing in labor is the most exhausting thing I have ever done in my life. I felt like I could fall asleep between contractions I was so exhausted - and I had a really smooth labor and a heaven-sent epidural that worked really well. And recovery is very real. My recovery has also gone really smoothly (there is an unfairly blessed pattern here, I am well aware), but there was tearing and stitches and bleeding, and there is still some discomfort and pain at times.

3. The time in my day is structured very differently. Sleeping in is a success, because I consider it a productive nap. Charlie usually wakes up when Andrew goes to work, and we both sleep for another two hours and start the day a little after 9. I have time for myself while Charlie sleeps (which can't totally be predicted) that I can use to read or study for the GRE or write a blog post. When I've slept enough that I don't use the time when Charlie sleeps to try to sleep myself, I can really get some things done for me, and that is really rewarding in conjunction with taking care of her. I want to be fulfilled personally as well as as a mom - both of those things are important to me - and the ability to do some things that I had hoped to do as well as care for my little monkey has been a wonderful success.





4. Continuing on what happens in a day, my daily successes are different. Every peaceful nap that Charlie takes is a success to me. Every time she wakes up at night and goes back to sleep easily is a success too. When she sleeps for two or more hours at a time at night is another success. Sometimes the things I am able to do for myself aren't very big things - like eating meals, or writing thank-you notes, or checking the mail, or doing the dishes, but everything feels like it counts.

5. You don't have to be a perfect person to be a decent mom. I've been really grateful for this already.

I have noticed some things about parenting with Andrew too that I wanted to share:

1. I've mentioned this before, but my relationship with Andrew is really so important. I've noticed this is especially true when caring for Charlie is hard. If she is fussy and hard to calm down for a while, one or both of us can get frustrated. We've learned a lot of patience already, but there is beautiful value in working together. I've seen that it's okay to be frustrated, and it's best to be frustrated together. You don't have to solve all problems, and supporting each other goes a long way.



2. The unconditional love doesn't necessarily come right away. They laid this newborn baby on my chest and I was certainly going to do everything I could to take care of her, but she was foreign to me at first. I feel like I've really been able to love her as I've served her, and gotten to know her better (as much as you can get to know a baby). I'm starting to believe that the unconditional love of a parent really comes through sacrifice and service - because the parent chose to love this child, and continues to choose to love them every moment, even when it's hard.

3. Running errands is so much harder with a baby! Haha. Little things, like "running to campus" to do this and that are a much bigger ordeal. It's still a little daunting to me. Just ripping off the bandaid and going for it has proven to be not nearly as bad as I feared beforehand though. A carseat and a stroller aren't the hardest to maneuver, and it's kinda fun having a little buddy.

4. So many people are willing to help you, my goodness. If we needed a babysitter everyday of the week, I think we have already had enough people volunteer. We are surrounded by so many good people. And some of our friends are surprisingly good with babies. Little helps can be a big help, too. Talia did our laundry one day, and that was so nice. Some friends came over and ran to the store to get milk for us, and that was really nice too.

5. Balancing parenting with personal fulfillment can be hard, but I think it's so worth it. Every little thing is so fun. Charlie's good burps and other relieving sounds are celebrated, and our home has truly been forever changed. It's honestly kinda crazy. Getting married is a big change, but you can imagine what life was like before and continue your life as an individual in a lot of ways through the marriage transition. And you can unmarry someone and imagine life without them if you wanted to. You can't un-birth a child, and the fundamental change in that transition is bigger than in marriage because it takes more effort to care for a newborn baby than a newborn marriage. The shift has been interesting to see in living it. It's really pretty neat. You really get to create your own family, and that's a huge, and really incredible, thing.

6. Adulting has real responsibilities, and they don't ruin your life. I have noticed though that the biggest frustrations come when I had different expectations. If I expect to sleep for 4 hours at a time at night and that doesn't happen, it's a bummer. If I feel I really need to get certain things on a to-do list done to have had a successful day, there's a lot more riding on Charlie sleeping for a long period of time, and when she wakes up it can seem to frustrate plans. Having things to do is important, but doing all you can without having high expectations is a much better way to go. You are much happier for the whole process (:

7. It being hard doesn't mean you're a bad or failing parent. It just means you're a parent. Taking care of a newborn baby seems pretty basic, but it's not without hard times. It's not always straightforward to get a baby to stop crying, and holding a little one you can't seem to soothe for a small period of time can feel like an eternity. But at least for me, that eternity doesn't actually last more than an hour, and soon you're holding a soft bundle in your arms that is fast asleep and curled against your chest or sprawled across your lap, and you feel like maybe you can do this after all.





Andrew and I both already have more patience, better teamwork, and stronger arms than when we started. And I can't tell you how blessed I feel when I'm falling asleep to the soothing sound of Andrew's sleeping breathing on one side of me and Charlie's sleeping breathing on the other, or when I'm rocking our little girl and singing songs to help her fall asleep. It's hard to imagine that she'll ever be as big as the one-year-olds that toddle around church or the lanky 5-to-9-year-olds playing I-spy in the waiting room at the pediatrician's, but I know those days will come quickly. I can't imagine all the learning and change that will come just this next week and next month, not to mention the year. It's only been a few weeks, but I will never again not be a mom, and I feel like it's one of the best things I have ever done. Hopefully one day when she is old enough to understand, Charlie will agree.